I dislike each and every one of you who tries to take the boyfriend away from me. Why? You are deliberately taking him away with you to drift us apart. Why must i be put to such a test? Ya'll premeditatively step on my head after i shower all with lots of friendly trust. I hate this so effing much.
And the same goes to the boyfriend. Can't you feel the clench between us both? I'm so hung up. You make it sound and look very easy and nothing. Ya lahh. You got to have the most fun and freedom while at it. So selfish of you.
Now that he's really going this coming week, i don't even get to have my time with him. Not even a day or lesser. This whole fucking week, no slots for me! Damn ya'll. Intentionally or not, ya'll are simply heartless.
Just yesterday, he was out with the friends. And today, to Siglap. Maybe staying overnight there. Then tomorrow and saturday, with Rizman. Sunday and Monday, God knows what other shoots he's having. Following that, his trip to Vietnam till the weekend. Tell me lahh, how enduring is that. But no matter what, i've to remain compose and not to aggravate at all. I don't wish to put the boyfriend in a difficult situation. Sheesh. Astarg'firullah.
Why does it seems that the boyfriend is not even sensitive towards my issues at all. Whatever i feel seems to be insignificance to him. He don't even remember a promise he made to me. All he cares about is the others around him. It's always hard for him to turn them down a favour but simply facile to me. Hey, i'm a no pushover. I don't wish to be a burden to him thus i wouldn't make him do laborious things for me. But all i want is just a sense of sensitivity and a lil understanding and support from him. Now is that so demanding of me? I'll get it if i am.
Certainly, i don't want him to sacrifice his sleep or whatever necessary routine of life that he needs, just for me. Example like rushing over in the wee morning just to squeeze in a minute for me. I don't want all that. No point. You'll later end up accusing me of robbing those resting time of yours. And i absolutely don't need you to sacrifice work and important tasks in life for me neither. All i want is for you to balance out your time between me and the others. Think about that.
We are really losing it. To me, it's all a drama facade when it comes with others appearence. Everything seems soo honest and nothing's amiss. Haiz. What an ulterior pretense.
Artlessly, i simply don't know how else to help us. Authentically, it's enough for me. But time and time again, you give me endless high hopes. Guilelessly, i believed you once agian. Sigh..
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Aah. Finally, had a good 8-hrs of sleep. Woke up not to a bright sunny morning but to a loud thunder that comes with the very heavy rain and lightning instead. What a chilly day.
The family came home later than usual today. Must have been caught up with the downpour. It was a super heavy rain, mind you. The skies were not only dark but reddish. Even i can't look out of the window, the lightning seems to flash almost every half a second. The motorbikes parking lot was also flooded. At that point of time, i was only thinking of the nearing end of the world. Subhana'llah.
I'm currently taking over one of the many projects from the boyfriend. So doing and learning something new has always been favourable to me, especially when it comes to the media works. I'm keen of such. No matter how irksome or immense the work is, i'll do it! Heh. How desirous.
Yesterday was satisfactory. Had a long day at the boyfriend's. He did his thingy with the bass while i'm with the editing. So i heard. He told me of the week to Vietnam. To help the Moods out by covering in for Wan on the bass. I was crushed. Though i gave him calm and confident words of support and encouragement, my heart was actualy screaming not to let him go. I was very apprehensive. I fear and worry for the boyfriend. Moreover, never have he left me all alone. I was really taken aback.
What other choice do i have, but to willingly let him fly there with them. All i can do, is to pray for the best yet for him. May he have a smooth journey there and later, comes home safely. But as for now, i would like to keep him close to me. Appreciate his presence and if possible, spend more time with him. I just want to satisfy my assuarance, thus letting him have a good time. Ok, enough of that for now. I'm confident, i'll be typing in full entries of him on the week that he's away. You'll get boredom as a result. Can't help it lahh babe.. Haiz.
This weekend is Sis Dhiah's wedding. Gosh. That is so impromptu. Nevertheless, the elder brother reminded me to be at the wedding. I simply miss the Safari Family. I remembered how close we used to be, the family and i. Those were the days.. So initialy i was hoping the boyfriend would accompany me on that day. Told him before hand but sadly, he have to turn me down.. I couldn't say more.
So much things had happenend the past week. I almost do things so as to resign myself from life. I just wasn't thinking straight nor being strong at all. How depress can i get. I humiliated my own life. Tsk. Just shake your head everybody. I'm such a shame to my self.
I had a long chat with the boyfriend. We trade deep opinions and feels. It has been an upmost honest spill out. Pure and innocence. The tears fell endlessly troughout. And 20 mins after the conversation, the boyfriend rushed over to console me. I realised he's sweet and all and i'm very much gratified. Had a good warm hug from him and that's all that matters.
Moving on, i hope this is a start of a change. I hope life will alter itself to the better. And i hope the boyfriend too will start to pay more attention to me and please me more. As that has been constantly descending of late..
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Can my life get more tribulated than this? Haiz. It just never get better, does it? These past few days was very emo-challenging. Getting through and getting over is very effortful. But i ain't know why, i wasn't even confident of my first step to it. I stood trembling all the while.
Let's see, i've been keeping myself busy with i-don't-know-what-crapps. Keeps meeting my besties for a lil getaway through comfort and consoles from them. Teh-O at the coffeeshop has been my cup of tea currently. Smoking is my favourite past time. All this are all done in the midst of the dark night when the road ain't busy and the human traffic is countable. I got to unwind the best at this kind of time, anywhere.
I haven't get to sleep a wink since the seperation. And currently, i came home to see to my unfinished business and i was quite dazzled to see the boyfriend still online on the messenger. I ain't know what was on his mind nor what has he been doing, but he passed me an edited picture by him of us both. 'Still In Loving Memory Lane'..
Enough said. The picture is very meaningful. The chat was brief. I'm deemed for a hard life. And i hope you'll stay here to see me go..
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I teared in despair silently the whole time. The desolation i felt was torturous. The tears kept falling till the sun had risen and the day had breaks. And indistinctly, i cried myself to sleep. A few hours passed so slowly that i even felt the rotation of the earth. I woke up with a burning temperature on my body. Though weak and liveless, i put on a strong will and shamble my way to the interview at Bugis. I don't even know why the hell i persisted myself whereas i know i was very much incapable of doing so. Maybe i remembered the promise i made to him.
The interview was precise. I didn't explain much about my designs. Too lethargic to do so. I presumed that it wasn't all worthwhile. Thus i won't anticipate for a reply. After which, i went to ECP. Just to have a sit by the beach and to feel the serenity of the surrounding. I've always love to unwind myself by submitting to the waves and the atmosphere.
I then burnt lil memories of the boyfriend, simply to let him go, willingly. I wasn't hurt or anything negotary. I was just remorseful. I miss him so much that it hurts me more than a shot of bullet in my stomach. I then sighed my way back home.
The temperature of my body was either rising or falling so fast, the whole time. I was weaken by the fact that it robbed me off my energy. I dragged myself home with that big portfolio file of mine. It's a swell not being tall now.
Alright, the whole day was a shag. My mind keeps swaying off and my eyes keep staring onto nowhere. I refuse myself from doing anything. I'd rather be like a vegetable on coma. But the only thing i allow myself to do, is to let the tears fall whenever it feels like it. Well, enough said now. I need to reserve myself till the next time.
I miss you boyfriend.
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I feel so bleak and depressed right now. I can't describe the animosity that i feel right now. I almost feel my blood vessels bursting. But i'll definitely wait for a response from him. Please, don't be too late till i conciliate on my final straw. Till then, there'll be no turning back. I hope you're safe and sound for now.
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I get more and more inane when comes to voicing out my feels. I feel so senseless. What am i, dumb? Maybe. The ignorance are moulding nicely on my self. Gosh. Tsk tsk.
I had another date with the boyfriend. The one on the day before was too brief though we had a terrific time watching movies on my lappy. So initially we had a rough start. But all's well at the end of the day. I never fail to crumble to bits at the way you elevate me. My heart swells with love whenever you assuage me. Only you have the power to do that lahh. Hehehee.
So the boyfriend and i visited Zouk again after like weeks of missing it. I missed the Zouk. It's still my favourite party spot. So we met up with Rida, Rudi and Mariam at Phuture itself. Little did i expect, Mac, Ajit, Acit and Faizal to be there as well. Hmm. Whatever lahh. I miss Friday Night party at Phuture. I can never forget the day the boyfriend and i went to Phuture as well as Zouk itself, to party. It was just the twoo of us and we had a very enjoying yet memorable night. It was fantabulous baby. It's a night to remember..
However, the boyfriend was soo not in the mood this time round. He kinda pulled a long and sulky face the whole time we're there. Though he didn't really express sincerely to me, i sense his negativity. Hmm. If only i could buy him a Sunkist. Hee.
I miss his touch now. I longed for a 'baby teddy' hug from him. It never felt more perfect than being in his arms. Love.
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Nothing is more antagonizing than nothingness. Oh hell yeahh. I feel that we're drifting away, boyfriend. Communication wise, we're slowly losing it. Don't you realize it? I'm incompetence of expressing as a whole how i feel and think deep in. I don't know why. I assumed it's due to the endeavor of avoiding frequent quarrels and bickers, i got inferior with you. You geddit? Tsk. It's just soo farking intricate to explain. God, i need some enlightenment.
How much more should i explain. You keep on judging me aimlessly. It's very afflictive on what i feel. I feel not more than effortless, trying to understand you. On the other hand, all i need for from you is just a listening ear. A pat of console on my shoulder will be a bonus. There's a no need for you to transform emotionally. I may blurt out what you called crapp mostly, but you know how lamenting it is when you turn your back upon me. Nevertheless, i know that that's you. I won't give up. Maybe not yet, for now.
So a time-off with our own friends are very comforting. I had a pleasing time with my besties. Though Cal is going through so much in life, she never fails to assure me with comfort. I hope you had a fruitful time with yours too dear. Do take note that i missed you effing much and i yearn for a get-together soon.
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Boyfriend, i miss the 19th uh. Somehow got used to the date. Ermm. How about having twoo commemorated days for us? Hehehee. It'll be fun won't it. 14th and 19th. The only weirdo couple to have two anniversary dates. Anyway, the night was entrancingly spent. Once again, thankyouu soo much dear.
Home Club was ubberly grrr-eat. Witnessed the live performance of Moods for the very first time, for me that is. Sab's voice was very uplifting. I was sucked into the jazzy sound during their performance. Never felt better. Oooh yeahh. The Pinholes was funnehh. Hehehee. Nevertheless, great performance from them. They were soo into Tiramisu's showmanship during performance that they actualy adopted their style. Aha. Such an influeance yaw. Haha. But they were great as well. With their own touch of originality. Anyways, i looove my new pick from the roxstar. woohooo.
Oh. Thanx dear for the help. The boyfriend carried my Notebook Expansion Base the whole day. Sorry for the hassle yahh. Hee. Love. And thankyouu, Mariam, Rudi, Rida and Akira for the great night. Not forgetting the roxsta chic, Sab. Ridzman and my lovable teddy, Hafiz as well. Nyeahahaha.
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Yesterday's apalogue was rare. But it was merry. I put on my not-the-best outfit and dolled myself up for a party. It's been ages since the last i went out clubbing with my best cliques. It was supposedly a girls' day out thingy with my bestest Calista, Samantha and Ling Yi. Met Derrick and he ultimately made me drool. Oh yeahh. Super hot dude and i couldn't hold my flirts. Hehee.
Well, ended up at DblO was Cal, Ling Yi and myself. So Derrick was being sweet and all, walked us girls to the party spot. I had the best time strolling the street with him. Heh. Yeahh right. But he left us shortly after we reached. Damn.
So DblO was kinda ok lahh. Bloody packed with ang-mos and mo-fo's. I don't get the similarity there. But i had fun. Plain innocent fun with my girls. I was being such a goody. Really. Boyfriend, trust me. Heee. The night ended, with Ling Yi being super drunk and we ferried ourself home instead of the MOS. Damn. Well, ladies, next time, don't get drunk again hokkay. It's no fun lahh. But it was a pleasure taking care of my sweet friend. I love my girls.
Calista and i went for supper that night at our usual. As we did, the effects of the alcohol started to control our body and mind. We hastily left for our respective home without even finishing our supper. Weird sehh. Hmm.
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I slept well. Alhamdulilah. Today's entry is purely on "My Favourite New Gadget". Ngehehehee. Introducing the new HP Pavillion Entertainment Notebook. Wooohoo.
Last week, after the KL trip with the Tiramisu, Daddy brought me to Sim Lim to get my new lappy. As all knew, my previous Asus, sleek and elegent lappy, was sold weeks before the trip. Sadly, the lappy crashed. Nyeahaha. All thanx to me lor. Anyway, i missed the white Asus lappy of mine. Haaiz. My very first lappy..
Alright, the boyfriend and i chanced upon this new HP notebook while surveying. We wanted to find the best yet of a reasonable price of lappy to support my media works. But after so much consideration, i was determined and absolute with the choice i've made.
With widescreen, altec lansing built-in speakers, intergreted bluetooth and 1.3mp webcam, it has a very appealing and admirable body cover. Most importantly, it's a duo core processor with 1gb ram and 128mb nvidia graphics. It's soo alluring as a whole and i can't help it but to love it. And, i got it. Heh. I got it together with the Expansion Base. This one is super cool. Super useful too. Hehehee.
If yall are still wondering, which model exactly, watch this advert. Nyeahahaha. Specially starring Pharrell Williams, just for me yaw!
That's about it now. I'm soo in love with my new gadget. And i love my tikus too. Muax muax.
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Things got better but i'm all rumpled. The boyfriend is responsible for all that. How can one change the date of any commemorated day? So yeahh, covertly, we both did it. Haha. He brought me out for a lil get-together to celebrate it. Wanted to feast upon my favourite hor fun at kembangan but we're a second too late. Instead we ended up at our fav local hangout, simpz.
The usual culprits were around. Such annoyance. Well, i had a great time though obstaining Hawa's Kuay Teow and sniggling at the weirdos. Heh. I despise those males who over shows their grasping desire over females. Gosh. Memalukan. What more, when those particular males acts like one super hot-bigtime jackass. Eurgh. Geli.
Okehh, all in all, i came home grinning from ear to ear. Kinda happy, i can say. Then i did the ususals, went online and carry out my normal routine with the lappy. Oooh yes, did i mention? Daddy bought me a HP Pavillion Entertainment Notebook. Yummay~..
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I can never escape from the agonizing pain of life. If it's about him, he left me inconspicuous. I shall not be too elaborate on that matter. It's just too tormenting. Futhermore, i'm all vexed out with the feuds happening around me, be it home or elsewhere. I need a break.
So, i missed the NLB booksale last week. It happens only yearly. I anticipated too much this time that i fell hard on myself. Initially, that boyfriend of mine was supposed to spend some concise time with me. But i was taken aback at the definite decision that he made on that day; to spend quality time with his honeybunch of friends at the compound. He made it so worth-while for them. He sacrificed. What a bunch of sleazy slimebucket. With such ignominious behaviour from some of them, it's worthy to abject. Look, i may show so much hatred here but in reality, i stand down humbly and shut my lips. Yeahh.. I'm such a ya-ya woman. Yada yada yada~..
Alright, im burned out from all the tears and hurts. I shall lay myself to rest now.
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The babe celebrates the re-opening of her online stories-of-life. Geez. Yet another compilation of her soo indiscreet, unmodest, incircumspect and unwise self-restraint of her speech and behaviour.
Witness the reconstruction of her absolute mind and pretentious life.
Oh, please keep your ingenious piece of mind to yourself unless otherwise stated.
Hehehee. Party! Party! Party!
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