Yuhoo.. Oh please, this blog ain't what they call 'dead' yet. She's just out on a looong break. October mahh. Lotsa happenings. Such as, the Eid Mubarak.. Her Forever TwentyOne Birthday.. A ride up to Pengili.. Hallooooooweeeeen.. And much much more. Stay tuned. She'll definitely update with glorious pixxies for your viewing pleasure.
Meantime, she wishes you..
#01 Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin.
#02 Happy Hallooooooweeeeen.
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That's it. I'm flaring with much anger now. Yes, i am a pain in the ass of yours. I'm SORRY. But what else can i do? All my life now i've to deal with a series of medicines that tears off my emotions. I ain't allowed to do or consume anything much to my likings. So now i think, what's the point i ascertain my life with the fucking chemicals that they called medicines? Rather than i live my life hurting and get hurt, it's more worthy that i live the rest of my days happily without the side effects. In another words, stop the meds, die faster, but at the very least, happier. Agree?? Well, I DO!
I've tried, to really really control my emotions. Outside, i am like a devil raging with angst. But truthfully, deep inside, i cry like a baby. Even now while i'm typing this entry, i'm tearing.. What have i become into? Even my parents thought that i'm getting harder to handle. My temper and sensitiveness has risen to the limit. And i cried.. When they apologised to me after raising their voice at me. I mean.. Who's fault is it anyway? They know that i never meant to behave in such ways. And they know that im short-tempered now and these are not what i really am. Thus, they apologised knowing that it's not my fault for the side-effects and i too apologised for not pushing myself to the highest limit in controlling the emotions. I better off alone.
"Well boyfriend, if you think that the colors aren't important at all, then fine. I shall not bother anymore. Or maybe, i should just go to work on the respective dates so to avoid the gathering with you and your friends. I'll just hang the one i've got for remembrance and just not wear it. Well you know what, i may sound long-winded and whatnot but i really did try my bloody best to make our first celebration worth the memories. No matter what circumstances, i did try to match your everything so as not to burden you. I don't mind now that you ain't appreciating. I don't bother now that all this is nothing to you. Well.. Then again, you've been out single all these years. There's nothing special now that you have someone whom you called girlfriend. I guess i just have to live with it.."
I'm simply sick of trying. I feel like giving up. But i know i ain't the sort. Well, at least i used to try not to be a quitter. So listen hard people, if you don't care then i won't too. I'll reciprocate the same, how you do it. Fuck.
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"..You're still the one whom iritate me worst. To think again, how did i end up being soo in love with you then. Eurgh. Love is simply blind. Listening to you talk, thickens my ego. It was just a mistake that you called me. You should have just stop and drop the initiative of yours to dial my number. By not doing so yesterday, was the BIGGEST MISTAKE of the century. You disgust me dude. From the day that you left me, till the day that i loathe you. And to think again, i still do. Bleaurgh. Well, don't bother asking for such forgiveness from me. Seek from the one Above."
Well, i wonder why the whole chunk of hesitation upon receiving the call that i'm accepted. Wasn't that happy-jumpy at all. Bummer. Was all ecstatic and looking forward for the whole new experience then. Hmm. But that was three weeks ago yaw. I guess the feels has changed into some negatory ones. Ah. No use muttering about this now. I've signed the papers. Hoping for a miracle though. Sigh..
Damn. This year Syawal wasn't all i vision it to be. So far during this last week of Ramadhan, everything seems to be going against me. And it's the week of lailatul qada'. Masya'allah.. What's happening to me?
Got the feeling that the meds are starting to take control of my body system especially the moods and emotions. Damn it's getting tougher. I'm more temperamental and fickle minded. But if i'm happy, im esctatic! Doh! Dumb, i know. Oh well.. I'm just a crazy woman. Serious! Ask anyone and they'll definitely agree on that. Especially my boyfriend. Sooner or later, he'll dump me for sure. Cannot tahan with the huge diffrent tides of my moods. But please lahh.. Don't leave me hokkay. =((
Please lahh Shalyn, wake up and smell the coffee! Bring back to old-self. Don't dwell to much on those shiznits. It ain't worthy. Make the last few days of Ramadhan worthwhile. Ikhtiar and control every emotions and desires. It's oh-so-important. Watch every words and every steps. Show some love lahh babe!
Oookies. Sonic and Tetris have been my favourite pass time now. Been hogging on it for hours every day. Simply hypnotized. Heheheee. Ok now, let's stop that and divert my attention back to designs and illustrations. It's been quite a while now darling.. Let's try that media thingy again. :))
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17 Signs of 'Love Disease'
PEEPS.. THIS IS FREAKIN' TRUE LAHH. WHEN THE FIRST TIME I FALL IN LOVE (most recent i could remember is of course with alan, my boyfriend), THIS THINGS HAPPEN TO ME LAHH! I'M SERIOUS. EVEN FOR NOW, STILL LIKE DAT LAHH. USUALLY THIS HAPPENS DURING THE 'HONEYMOON' PERIOD. KHEKHEKHEE.. (motive for the caps?! hurhur.)
SEVENTEEN:
YOU LOOK AT HIS/HER PROFILE/PICTURE CONSTANTLY
SIXTEEN:
WHEN YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH HIM/HER LATE AT NIGHT AND HE/SHE HUNG UP, YOU STILL MISS HIM/HER EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO MINUTES AGO
FIFTEEN:
YOU READ HIS/HER TEXTS OR SMSES OVER AND OVER AGAIN
FOURTEEN:
YOU WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN YOU'RE WITH HIM/HER
THIRTEEN:
YOU ALWAYS FEEL SHY WHENEVER HE/SHE IS AROUND
ELEVEN:
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT HIM/HER, YOUR HEART BEATS FASTER AND SLOWER AT THE SAME TIME
TEN:
YOU SMILE EVERYTIME WHEN YOU HEAR HIS/HER VOICE
NINE:
WHEN YOU lOOK AT HIM/HER, YOU CAN'T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU. ALL YOU SEE IS HIM/HER
EIGHT:
YOU START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS, WHILE THINKING OF HIM/HER
SEVEN:
HE/SHE IS ALL YOU THINK ABOUT
SIX:
YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM HIS/HER SCENT
FIVE:
YOU REALIZE THAT YOU'RE ALWAYS SMILING TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT HIM/HER
FOUR:
YOU'D DO ANYTHING FOR HIM/HER, OR ANYTHING TO SEE THEM
THREE:
WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE PERSON ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME..
TWO:
YOU WERE SO BUSY THINKING OF THAT PERSON, YOU DIDN'T NOTICE NUMBER TWELVE
ONE:
YOU JUST SCROLLED UP TO CHECK AND NOW SILENTLY SMILING AT YOURSELF
Hehehee. My boyfriend never fails to give me that buterfly effects. This doesn't applies to just kisses but to almost everything that he does. Oooh, he's sucha darl.. Love you effin much sweets. Happy '19th' yeahh.. Hehe.
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To others, please don't bother to ask. No matter who you are, i won't entertain any question. I beg you, please. Thank you. :))
"Dear Mummy..
Please be ok cause i'm taking this all in my stride. I can't change the situation. If i'm destined for another year, i'll accept it. No surgeries or anything else, please.
Dear Daddy..
I don't want any celebration this 26th. I'll be contented enough that i can turn 21. I just wanna be normal. That's all i'll be asking for, for every thing to be normal. I'll be the same defiant lil girl of yours and i won't change for that matter of fact.
Let's play pretend that no one knows anything. Let's live every day as the way it has been. No extra or special treatment please. Because i wanna be ok. I really do. If only i could tell you how broken i feel.. But i just wanna be strong. For every single person around me..
I appreciate every tears and sacrifices. I'll bring that to my death bed. But for now, i seek forgiveness for all wrong-doings. Let's be normal.."
I'll be ok. I live my life simply appreciating everything and everyone around me. I always do. I beg not to show though.. And i know, i've yet to turn my dreams to reality.. Goals to accomplish.. Hopes to realize. I still want to do it. I still have aims in life. And i won't give them up, not yet. Till my last breath..
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Eaaurgh. It's my first day of my period for this month. Super cramp sia down there. Couldn't even have my good sleep just now. Sigh.. When will this monthly pain soothe? Must it be as painful every month? I can only wonder. So, we come to the last week of Ramadhan and damn, the period have to start. But it's ok. Guess i could have a headstart of testing the kuihs and soon, the raya dishes. Heh heh heh. Poweeeer~ Lastly and once again, a very happy birthday to Sham Robot.
Planning, planning, planning. Let me see.. Since i can't fast, i shall waste my time and energy doing something that's worth the energy. Aiyahh, later think uh. I wana go siap uh. Nak go Robot's house. Hehehee. I seems to be the one living nearest to him buuuuuut, i'm like the last person to arrive. Maklum lahh.. Princess lahh katakan. Wakakaka. Oooh puh-leeease. I'm a princess in the eyes of the boyfriend if it's not yours hokkey. I may play pretend, but in his world, i am not. Ngeheheheheee.
So, it's Sham Robot's birthday today. The BUnit crew are all at his place to celebrate the day with him. Sweet of them yaw. The plan today is to break fast with him thus a lil celebration. He's doing ok if not better, i suppose. He was discharged from the hospital days ago. Since then, been recuperating at home. He's one wishful guy.. Hoping he could stop limping and be non-dependant on crutches in abt a month's time. Well, due to the bad crack, it'll take months and months before he gets fully recovered. In anyways, we will still pray for his speedy recovery.
And not forgetting, Happy 8th Anniversary to the boyfriend and i. It's been a good 8th. As always, i hope for better days together with him. Praying it'll be a more smooth and wonderous journey. Insya'allah. So this time, we spent some time chilling by the Seletar Dam. Singing songs from the iPodee.. Drinking packets of tea.. And at the same time, munching of junkies. oh yess. played some sparklers too. Thanx to i-don't-know-who-lahh. Haha. Cool.. A sweet and simple celebration. Happy 8th again baby! I simply love you effin much.
Ok that's all for now hokkeh. I'm in pain and i've not bathe. Plus, friends have been calling me up asking why aren't i still at Robot's house. Ok2, i go siap now. Eaaaauurrgghhh~
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And that's when the lil skirmish started, at home. A bit too lengthy to storytell. However, i was hot under the collar. Since, injected myself with a a strong drug to blow the steam off. Eurgh. I'm now as good as being senseless. At the end of the day, the house is very steriled. May i say it's dirtless, distinct and etched. Heh. Effort paid off satisfyingly. But on the other hand i've over-worked myself that i ended up being all burnt out, drained, feeble, infected, etc. Don't even think of asking why? how? or whatever. Just glad that it ended off with a balance feud. Tears flowed in dispair the other day. Mind was from all over to a definite blank. With mix feelings of worry, confuse and paranoid. It's the case with the boyfriend. Sad to see, he teared in disappointment too. Sigh.. How do i explain thoroughly of my feels and thoughts? As certain as i am, i felt that this time round, it's worth the paranoia. I used not to doubt a single percent of his love that he showered me. Still, the consistent bicker and bumps. But i soo do-not-understand the situation now. His behaviour changed, to a more sensible and loving. It's a good thing, that i know. He's more understanding and sensitive towards me. All eared and geared whenever i'm in need of my other half. Definitely more manja. Yes. All i ever want from my boyfriend. It's like a dream came true. So, why now then i feel the sudden doubts in his love? Ah. Love is forever intricate. Still, i love the way we are now. He'll get what he wants and so do i. Hopefully a 'happily ever after' fairytale.. I'm excited for the cash that will flow into my can-spend-all-i-want pocket. Hmm.. More like spending them on paying for my still due bill and whatever own necessities. Well, sure to put aside some dough for a lil getaway with the only boyfriend. A reward after all the roughs we've been through. Just a lil prezzie from me. Rather, to prove my sincerities. He whom my heart beats for and treasure tonnes. Deep true feels here.. So something to really look forward to. :)) Insya'allah.. God's will.
I've been pretty much shagged by this unpredictable life of mine. I don't know about others but i'm still in the mood for Ramadhan. Am not even that much estatic that Syawal is nearing. Well..
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In a lil bit more than two weeks later, it'll be the month of Scorpio. In other words, my birthday's coooo-minnng. Ngehehee. Well, Eid Mubarak is still the first thing i'll be looking forward to. But i think the second best thing is also important. You know.. Plan B. Nyeahaha. Ok, i ain't sure why but i'm definitely rubbing it deeper in my face. Knowingly that i'm not getting any younger each year.. Dumb.
Anyway, have i mentioned, that i'm proud being a Scorpio? I'm dumb at horoscope though. I just love the fact that scorpions are the symbolic mascot for Scorpios. Hehehee. At least it ain't any weird creatures nor anything like that. You know.. Unicorns and what not. (ermm, do these creatures even exist in the horoscope thingy?!) Haha.
I'm selfish, all right. I only get to know facts (or is it myth) about Scorpio. So here are MY trait. Things that describes ME best.. Being a Scorpio is sooo alluring. Hurhur.
Scorpio is intense, strong-willed, passionate and filled with desire. They are deep, penetrating, complex, mysterious, secretive and like "still waters run deep". Scorpios love to probe beneath the surface and uncover what is hidden. They are clever, perceptive and almost psychic in their intuitiveness. They are just as emotional as the other signs, but their emotions are more repressed - kept under cover, hidden. Consistent with their energy, Scorpios are stubborn and determined. They can be ruthless if hurt and don't easily forgive.
So there you are. A Scorpio for you. Raaawwrr! Oops! *sting*sting*
Hahahaha. Lame entry. I know. =p
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I couldn't believe my eyes and ears. There's actually more controversy than i expected between the ladies in the group. I was all eared. Listened to the whole of their conversation. One with her strong-minded opinions.. And the other, defending her own thoughts. It was an interesting debate. And the topic was a mixed one, the BUnit guys, girls and simply the past, present and the future. It all ocurred over root beer float and shishaa. Geez..
The Ladies Day Out was literally exciting. Bought some stuff and all.. Well, the usual ladies thingy. We cab-ride from home(Qish and myself) to town. Met Wawa at DFS. Breaking fast was fun. No vacant tables at all makan place. So we ended up breaking fast abut 45mins later. But it was cool.. The food was yummay! Haha.
A lil walk down the street in town, after which we cab-ride again to Arab St's Kaki Lima. Then we talk, share, bitch and everything else.. All in one. Cab-ride back home again..
Ok, the day was a brief one. But it's simply an eye-opening. Nevertheless, i would love to have more of such get-together in future. Interesting..
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And this makcik is didi-toon. Ngehehehehee. There'll be more to come.. Insya'allah. When i'm bored and tired with Illustration, i'll switch to mini-tuns to top myself up with some lil savour. Hmm.. Who's the next mini-toon victim..?
alan-toon **shalyn-toon
qisha-toon* *sham-toon
wawa-toon**mac-toon
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Getting to know something i should have not know, as a result, it hurt me bad. In that split second, i'll rage with anger and jealousy. For which later, i felt i was dumb enough to actualy take the extra mile to find out something that doesn't concerns me now, later or simply at all. Well, like they say.. Curiosity kills the cat. Things that happened in the past are history. Why can't i just leave them alone? Sigh..
I felt poorer when it comes to affection. Seems like all i able to persue are plain revenge and angst. I just want all my answers to the millions of questions that i propose. I'm asking for an absolute assurance. Is it something tidious and complex to ask for? But truth be told, i am what i am. And i won't say it out loud of what i feel or think. Yes, i am perplex.
So i had a good timeout with my loved one mainly. After being discharged, all i was looking for was a company. Terribly in need of someone to help me divert the thought of my becoming-serious illness. Family are out of the question. I know they themselves are terribly disappointed and worried. And so, my besties were there for me. Had a lil night out of fun.. And most importantly, laughter. Since that day onwards, everything seems to fall into place. I prayed for an easier life. The one that i can glide through all negativities. And Alhamdulilah.. Some way and somewhat, i felt the good difference. Well, maybe this is what they call perseverence.
Side effects of the meds are taking in. It's taking control my emotions and feelings. Bad bad bad.. But all i can try to do is to fight fight fight. Yeahh. Sigh.. What am i becoming into..?
Unconditional shower of love and care from the boyfriend helps me to heal, though at a slow rate. I feel bettet if not, super great, whenever he manja me. Hehee. Oh well, it feels super great to feel the love from the other half isn't it. Especially when he's there to cuddle you and surrounds you with his warmth and affection. Simply alluring..
Ultimately, i snipped my hair bloody short. To the extend that friends started to call me bawang. Bawang kechik lahh.. Bawang merah lahh. All due to the boyfriend. But nevermind. I'm just glad that i chopped it off. Just wanna breath in new things.. If you get what i mean. Heee.
I'll post few pix that i took while visiting Sham Robato the other day. He's getting along ok. Just a long road to total recovery. But other than that, he's fine. getting used to the metal plates on his broken thigh. Hehehee.
Anyway, i hope to get to snapp al lil bit more pics of me and the boyfriend. It's been awhile since we took a pic of us together. I simply wanna do that soon.
But for now, i'm to get ready! Qishy will be waiting for me at the NEL station. i don't wanna be late yaw.
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These include: To support an organization to prevent online child abuse, click on the picture above. It'll navigate you to the website. Or alternatively, www.lightamillioncandles.com Just a quick update on what's been happening... - More than 400,000 candles have been lit at http://www.lightamillioncandles.com/. Many thanks to you who have participated and spread the word... But we still need more help! - On 19 Sep, two key members of the International Center for Missing & Exploited Children (ICMEC) testified before the US Senate on the work of the Financial Coalition Against Child Pornography, and what we're combating commercial child pornography. (The LIGHT A MILLION CANDLES campaign is part of the Financial Coalition's gameplan to raise awareness on the horrendous issue of child porn and to choke the commercial viability of these websites so that the abuse of the children will stop.) Check out the following link if you wish for more details. http://www.icmec.org/missingkids/se..._X1&PageId=2788 Here in Singapore: - If you'd been involved at the recent IMF, you'd have seen the LIGHT A MILLION CANDLES tv ad on the tv screens in the main convention areas and elevators. If you haven't, check out http://www.lightamillioncandles.com/ or keep your eyes peeled for print ads and/or tv spots on CNN, MTV, the BBC, Discovery Channel, Time Magazine and Readers' Digest. These channels have kindly donated us media space for this cause and we hope to get more media coverage in the near future. - In coming weeks: Hopefully, we'd hit the tipping point so that the Singapore financial coalition against child porn will be formally formed and announced! Keeping our fingers x-ed! The fact is that child pornography is a topic nobody likes to discuss. Who wants to think about people peddling images of toddlers/infants under age 3 in child porn sites? But our silence is what feeds the pornographers' need for secrecy. We should start thinking about how our children are being abused, violated, and betrayed. Think of your children, your nephews, nieces, the kid-next-door, your colleague's precocious 2-year-old... This is definitely an issue that concerns all of us. Thanks for reading this. Cheers! "The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."- Albert Einstein
What is child sex abuse?
A child sex abuser (commonly referred to as a paedophile) is someone who is sexually attracted to a child or children and acts upon those desires.
Why do Child sex abusers like to use the internet to contact children?
Child sex abusers find the internet an easier place to participate in a range of child sexual abuse activity including contact with children due to the anonymity of the medium. They will often lie and pretend to be younger than they are or people other than themselves, and find a sense of security by operating from the safety of their own homes. They have been known to set up bogus email accounts and chat personas to mask their identity online.
What are children at risk of, from child sex abusers, online?
There are a number of actions which these adults will engage in online.
-Swapping child abuse images in chat areas or through instant messenger with other adults or young people and forming networks with other child abusers to share tips on how to groom more effectively and how to avoid being caught.
-Swapping personal information of children that they have collected with other abusers.
-Participating in online communities such as blogs, forums and chat rooms with the intention to groom children, collect sexually explicit images and meet them to have sex.
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Make sure you have enough time to actually hash out your differences. If you try to stop your partner on his way to work, or you call her on your lunch break, chances are you're going to be left feeling dissatisfied and unacknowledged due to a lack of time. If necessary, agree upon a future time to discuss the matter at hand. Being considerate of your partner's time contributes to the amount of courtesy your partner will show when faced with your discussion. Don't assume anything! It is not possible to know exactly what is going on, unless you actually hear it from your partner's perspective. Don't try to figure out what they're thinking, just ask. It can save you a lot of grief and avoid HUGE misconceptions by taking the time to just talk it over. Don't bring the past into a current discussion. If you actually want a problem resolved you have to make your partner feel like they can actually resolve it. When you bring up the past you are communicating to them, that no matter what changes or efforts they given to improve the condition, you will still hold them accountable for past actions. Where's the motivation for improvement there? If something is your fault, say you're sorry! Don't hold out and try to redirect the blame to something or someone else. If you broke a promise, said something you wished you didn't or did something you'd rather not confess to, it's up to you to make amends. Not only will YOU feel better about your ability to come clean, but your partner will learn to trust you more knowing you're willing to accept responsibility. Take a timeout before things get too heated. If you feel your anger level rising, take a 15 minute timeout to gain a new perspective. Take a walk, listen to some music or do some housecleaning to help dissipate your ire. Don't fight in front of friends or family. You automatically put the other person on guard when you enter into a major disagreement in front of others. In addition, instead of the disagreement staying a personal matter, which it should be, it now becomes open to other input. Trust me; you do not want anyone else adding in their two cents, even if it's in support of your feelings. Think about it from your partner's shoes. Would you actually give an open and honest discussion if you felt you were up against an army? Agree that you will both talk about what happened away from prying eyes and ears. "The next time you want to see eye to eye, try using your ears." -Source Unknown
In any case, i will forever love and cherish my dear love. To let go, i will not. To forget, i will never. I'm yours and will always be.. The feeling is so true. And im happy while i'm with you. Truthfully, you're the best thing that had happened to me this year. It was a fruitful journey.. :))
"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." -Source Unknown
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Black Unit News Highlight
On the faithful 1st October, around 5+ pm, Sham Robato fell from his bike while freestyling at the Compound. Thus, he broke his leg. Ouuuch!! He was sent to CGH.. by us. Hehehee. Ok, it's not funny. So anyway, here are some pics. Poor him.. May he have a speedy recovery yaw!
*during the endo shit.
*right after the fall. he juz can't move.
*broken thigh.
*Black Unit to the rescuee.
*getting him ready to load into the back of the lorry.
That's all for now. Won't upload more on the fall. It's just too gory for me. Eurrgh. So till next time..
The Black Unit Crew quotes: "..da cakap dah. Kalau tak puasa tu JANGAN main motor!"
:))
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her loves ♥
The Stiletto Style