That's it. I'm flaring with much anger now. Yes, i am a pain in the ass of yours. I'm SORRY. But what else can i do? All my life now i've to deal with a series of medicines that tears off my emotions. I ain't allowed to do or consume anything much to my likings. So now i think, what's the point i ascertain my life with the fucking chemicals that they called medicines? Rather than i live my life hurting and get hurt, it's more worthy that i live the rest of my days happily without the side effects. In another words, stop the meds, die faster, but at the very least, happier. Agree?? Well, I DO!
I've tried, to really really control my emotions. Outside, i am like a devil raging with angst. But truthfully, deep inside, i cry like a baby. Even now while i'm typing this entry, i'm tearing.. What have i become into? Even my parents thought that i'm getting harder to handle. My temper and sensitiveness has risen to the limit. And i cried.. When they apologised to me after raising their voice at me. I mean.. Who's fault is it anyway? They know that i never meant to behave in such ways. And they know that im short-tempered now and these are not what i really am. Thus, they apologised knowing that it's not my fault for the side-effects and i too apologised for not pushing myself to the highest limit in controlling the emotions. I better off alone.
"Well boyfriend, if you think that the colors aren't important at all, then fine. I shall not bother anymore. Or maybe, i should just go to work on the respective dates so to avoid the gathering with you and your friends. I'll just hang the one i've got for remembrance and just not wear it. Well you know what, i may sound long-winded and whatnot but i really did try my bloody best to make our first celebration worth the memories. No matter what circumstances, i did try to match your everything so as not to burden you. I don't mind now that you ain't appreciating. I don't bother now that all this is nothing to you. Well.. Then again, you've been out single all these years. There's nothing special now that you have someone whom you called girlfriend. I guess i just have to live with it.."
I'm simply sick of trying. I feel like giving up. But i know i ain't the sort. Well, at least i used to try not to be a quitter. So listen hard people, if you don't care then i won't too. I'll reciprocate the same, how you do it. Fuck.
The girl behind this writes, Shalyn
her loves ♥
The Stiletto Style
